We met in 3rd grade. 3RD THE FUCKING GRADE. We knew each other all up through 8th grade.

In 7th and 8th specifically I was one of the her only friends in school. And I am not exaggerating that. She was intensely shy, nervous, everything you could imagine. And I would go out of my way to find her during lunch, when she would be sitting off at a table by herself, and make sure she sat with whatever group I was with that day.

We joked and I would call her house and I knew she was having issues with school so I tried to make it a little easier.

We went to separate high schools, lost touch. Whenever I ran into an old friend of mine that went to her school I would ask about her.

And then, three years ago, we re-met.

And instead of ending the relationship when she first had doubts, after that first stupid fucking month, she let go on. She let it build and build and build until I was thinking man, how lucky I am to have found someone I could spend the rest of my life with.

And this entire time, this entire bleeding time I would have sworn that she loved me more than I loved her, which made me the craziest, luckiest person ever. Instead I find out it was the other way, which just makes me a blind fool.

But if she had ended it when she first thought she should we would've still been friends. I would have hung out with her.

I want to say this, but I don't really know anymore if this is true because she's completely fucked up my view of her. I'll say it. The person I knew, the person I thought I knew, was someone I would've been great friends with minus a relationship. She's super funny, talented, we have all these years between and behind us.

But she fucked it up.

And she just doesn't get it. She walks around, on the phone with this other kid, giggling like nothing bad or major has taken place. Like this is absolutely nothing to her. And the biggest fucking kick in the pants is that I've told her it pisses me off. But she still does it.

I've bought ear plugs, but ear plugs are a bitch to sleep in. I shouldn't pay rent to sleep uncomfortably.

She doesn't understand why I can't stay here. Fuck 'er.

I have a vacation coming up. I also have my birthday coming up. I've managed to arrange it where I will now get off for my two regular days off on... the 21st and 22nd. I will officially be off the 23rd till 27th, but then I have two more regular days off, which brings my total vacation up to nine days.

And right in the middle is my birthday, which I really thought was going to be amazing this year. I was going to take Kelly someplace special, just us two.

And now, instead, I've got nothing. I don't want to come back to this place on my birthday all sad and emo and listening to her talk. I don't want to be that almost thirty kid sleeping at their parents.

So what I might do is just get a camera, my laptop, and drive. Go down to South Carolina, up to North Carolina. Through Virgina to West Virgina. Maybe hit Pennsylvania. Places I've never been. Get lost and hit some back roads.

Just be completely by myself. Write. Figure out what the hell I need to do. Kick myself in the ass.