Looks like my old friend Rum did come by to visit after all.

We broke up. Or, really, I am giving her "the space" she needs.

You can translate that a million different ways I guess. I've pulled out my handy dandy translator and it's coming up as "sorry, but you're not good enough."

There's also that option of translating it as "I have more fun with my friends than I love you."

That's acceptable, too.

Truthful, even.
Because I am not fun. I don't stay out until 4 in the morning. I am old and reliable and responsible to the point it hurts.

I came home to an empty apartment tonight and I couldn't help but think "this is what it will be like. For the rest of your life. Stumbling up the stairs, alcohol in your system, to an empty, quiet, cold place. Just you, stumbling around in a chamber. For the rest of your life."

And maybe that's taking it too far. I'm sure I'll bring someone home every once in a while. They'll leave, though. I won't.

Here's my resolution:
No more of this love business. It is stupid and false. And it ends. So I'm done. I'm done being told one way or another that there's something wrong with me, that I'm not good enough, that there are better people out there to love.

I know. I know all of this. Say what you want. Tell me I'm great and that you love me but. And it's always that but. But you need to go.

So go. Have fun. Be safe. Don't cry. This was your decision. I'm done. You will find someone better. A Christian. A partyer. Someone who cries. Someone without anger issues. Someone who loves you more than I do.

I wish nothing but the best for you. You are smart, you will accomplish your dreams if you don't ever give up on yourself.

I'm warning you now, though, because, for the time being, we still live together. This is my warning: I am going to shut down. I will not be myself for a while. If ever. I will be angry and tired and possibly a little drunk most nights, if I'm ever home. I will not believe a thing you tell me and will possibly make you very angry. I will not sleep in the same bed with you and very well might just sleep on the couch whenever I can. I will keep to myself and very likely not talk to anyone for a good long while.
I will be hurt more so than you can imagine.