2005-08-21 - 11:05 p.m. I guess I need to start off with this: She wasn't dead. She was just drunk. She finally called me around 130 p.m. the following day. There are a lot of mixed feelings about this right now. Relief that she was okay (the last time I had to call a hospital looking for a specific person was when my sister was hit by a car) quickly switched over to anger. There are a lot of things to be angry about. Some small, some maybe not so small. She keeps offering me excuses while saying they're not excuses, but if you say "I know, but" before whatever phrase, it's pretty much an excuse. I think what she doesn't realize is that there are other emotions playing in on my side, too. Here's a secret: I get jealous. Some of this is jealousy driven. I want to be the only one who spends the night with you. Go to bed with me. Sleep in our bed, not someone elses because you were too drunk to make it up the stairs. I don't want to feel like I have to go places with you to make sure you are taken care of. I want to take care of you, yeah, but I don't want to hold your hand. I want to know you can go out with your friends and have a good time, but still make it home okay. To me. We'll see. previous - next