2005-08-22 - 1:10 a.m. You know what? Fuck everything I wrote. Fuck it all. You know why? Because she's fucking not here. She's out who knows where. But I could take a guess here and says she's at her new friend's house either drunk or stoned. And maybe that's wrong of me, harsh, too quick to jump to conclusions. But I'm saying it. She's either fucking drunk or high. I don't want to be right. I don't want to be right. I want her to be just sitting there, somewhere, really conversating with someone. And when I mean conversating I mean more than "blahblahblah and shit maaaannn. It was weird! Yeah." Blahblahblah. Check the time. Check it. 1 a.m. central standard time. I'm worth no more than that. 1. And she hasn't called. 1. I called, to see if she was okay. She said she was. If this is her choice, so fucking be it. Just go ahead and make it god dammit. Don't have me here, trying to sleep but can't, finally falling asleep, waking up, realizing what little/lot time has gone by, checking my phone, waiting for a call. ALL I FUCKING ASKED FOR WAS FOR YOU TO CALL ME. Call. It's that god damn simple. Pick that stupid little phone up, push some buttons, say, "hey, I'm so wasted I can't walk up stairs. I think I'll just sleep at two different apartments, one of which is a floor below you." Oh. Wait. Did I tell you that part? Did I tell you about how she was so drunk she couldn't make it up the stairs? That she was actually asleep in the same building as me, so I guess, you know, it counts, or whatever. Weird. Man. Did I tell you how they sobered her up enough she got in someone's car and went to another apartment to sleep? No, I probably didn't. But there it is. And here I am, a bitter fucked up loser. Listen, Amy, I know you'll read this. And here: You have broken my heart. Broken it. You talk that nonsense about forgiving because that's what the sermon was about and shouldn't I apply it? The thing about me not being a Christian is that I don't have to offer forgiveness to someone who repeatedly does the same thing. Don't fucking ask me to forgive you if you don't mean it. And if this is the third time in a week THE THIRD FUCKING TIME in a week you can't fucking use your phone then, no. You're not sorry. Absolutely fucking broken it. Hope you had fun tonight. previous - next