you know, that dream girl or guy that people daydream about. the one that matches all the checkpoints on your list.

i asked her about her list, what she had on it.

i was just asking her to see what she liked in people, but she turned it around to where she was listing all these things and then telling me how i had this or that.

she said, "eyes are really important to me, they've always been able to draw me in. and you, man, you've got great eyes."

and i laughed because, well, i mean. my eyes aren't that great.

and she said, "no, really, i mean it, the color of them... they're dream eyes."

we sat there for a few minutes, she just kind of looked into my eyes.

she said, "you can see a lot in people's eyes."

"what do you see in mine?"

"comfort."

last night i had to work. after work i called her up. she wanted me to come down, so i drove an hour and showed up at her house at 10. she left the door unlocked so i walked inside. she was asleep on the couch.

i touched her cheek to wake her up, to let her know i was there, and she rolled to her side, looked up, and when her eyes opened and she saw me, she smiled.

her ex had called her during the day, to ask more about me. i found out about it, later, about the conversation they had, and it kind of made me laugh.

a) if they want to start an argument, i'll win because i have what they call the wit and, also, i am not an ass.

b) if they want to start something physical (odds are no on that, so don't worry you, at the most my car might get keyed), i've got connections into the underworld.

yes, i'm from the streets, yo. bring it. just bring it.

sadly, i'm such a nice one that even if this ex did something to me, keyed my car or something, i would feel like a complete asshole if i returned the favor, so i won't ever do anything.

i do want to talk, though, and see if i could somehow talk some sense or diginity or manners into this kid.

but, yes, no, she was telling me about their conversation yesterday, how j said "do you mind if i talk to crayon?" and she said "actually, crayon wanted to talk to you the other day you called." "oh, uh, nevermind."

so, yes, ha! foiled your plans good!

and then my girl started trying to say something and only got as far as "please don't" and j interrupted to say "what? please don't ruin this really good thing you have now?" and she said "no, please don't do anything childish."

she's not worried about j ruining anything, which is good, but she is worried about her past affecting me.

i had to pull over to the side of the road the other night because she had become all introspective on me and wouldn't tell me what was worrying her, other than "don't worry about it, i don't want to burden you, i'll just take it out on myself later." or something to that affect.

so i had to pull over, you see, to actually look at her when i told her that if i'm going to do this, if i'm going to get involved, i'm not going to do it half assed and she can't shut me out, she can't let me just sit there while she turns her anger or her sadness or her fears in on herself.

she started crying.

i really hate that i didn't meet her sooner, that i wasn't able to make her happy years ago, to show her that she's someone, an amazing girl with a great smile.

but maybe, if nothing else, i can show her that. and if we both move on, maybe she'll remember and realize that she deserves someone there opening doors for her and carrying her bags for her and just treating her right. dammit.