emily wants to be, more or less, superficial friends.

she thinks being any more than that is too close to dating.

i dont think i can do any less than that. it would hurt too much to know i've lost that much.

but ive been a giant fool. a giant ass. and i've mistreated emily. so i have no right anymore to anything.

and ill probably never see her again.

and ill probably never really talk to her again. not about anything serious, at least.

god fucking damn me.

god fucking damn my mind.

god fucking damn my parents.

god fucking damn kim.

god fucking damn whatever synpases in my brain don't work right and, in turn, make me this fucked up depressed mess.

god fucking damn the fact that nothing makes me sleep sounder these days than drinking alcohol.

god fucking damn.