considering i rarely if ever have a plan for the next month, this is a big thing.

and it's also really scary.

because it feels like it could be everything i want. it feels like it could make years of other things possible.

emily and i have discussed it. she says i should do it because it is something "you can throw yourself into, the way you... the way you do, without feeling bad about caring so much. this is something that would be better the more you cared."

i really should do this.

there are still a few people i need to talk to about it and some things i need to think about.

if i do it im signing over a year of my life. or 50 weeks, with two weeks off.

and i would be moving. farther away than 1600 miles.