or, at least, one of the people i'm considering going through to get the job i think i really want.

i mentioned it in passing tonight to emily, and she said "when you go" as if it had been settled that i was going to do this.

and i know all i have to do is take a few steps and this all could become real. the next year or two of my life could be signed away and i will have some kind of brief plan for the future.

more so of a plan than i have right now, at least.

and at the same time i get this feeling, kind of inside of me, that maybe if i do this, maybe if i go away for a year or so and emily and i can both have that extra time, extra distance then we could both either realize that this feeling isn't going away and in two years we should try again, or that this feeling did go away and we both got a good friend out of it.

or at least i did.

i don't know how she sees it.