got really angry at kim. kim cried. this makes me an asshole.

except for the whole fact of she was completely in the wrong. i might have been mean, but god dammit, she's the most ungrateful, selfish, self centered person i've ever met and all she had to do was just say "thank you crayon."

for anything i had done. just a thanks. but instead she says "i can't thank you for doing anything when i don't see any results and all it is is you telling me you're doing things."

so i was mean. and honest. and she cried. and still managed to make me feel like an asshole.

i can't stand her.

and i regret dating her.

friday:

i called emily. she tells me a story wherein she covers her head. i said "i miss you covering your head." and she said "just stop it."

we get into a long argument which is mainly me saying "why?" and her saying "because i said so." for about five minutes.

she won't give me a definite answer and tells me "just me asking it of you should be enough."

and i say to that "it feels like you're not giving me much of a say in anything."

i fucking need to hear something definite because if i don't, i'll keep finding ways to have hope, which is the stupidest, most self destructive thing i could possibly do in this situation.

i'm stupid and find, in the silence, words to tell me that she still has feelings for me.

i spend too much time with and too much energy on a girl who treats me like i'm an asshole and in turn hurt a woman who's done nothing but love me.

she doesnt want me to fucking disappear but i don't know why the hell she wants me around because i don't do anything anyone else couldn't do.

and so saturday can't get any much fucking worse, can it?

maybe i'll make a little child kick me.

that'll make the nice little trinity of days complete.

bah to it fucking all.