cold rain that beat against the window sill.

in the apartment it was quiet.

dark, except for a candle i had lit because it smells like something i would eat.

she should have been here.

she should have been in bed next to me, talking quietly, looking at the ceiling.

listening to the rain.

listening to the pets move about the apartment, chasing one another.

we should have been under covers together.

her fingers should have been waltzing on my skin as she laughed at me.

my bed is the perfect size for two.

lying alone makes it seem so much bigger.

especially at night. in the dark. as it rains.

instead i stay awake until 130, waiting for her, making sure she doesn't need me to call to make her night end a little bit better.

and i do call her. because she does need me. and calling is all i can do 1600 miles away.

then she tells me goodnight and i hang the phone up and the rain has stopped.

and i sleep. but only for four hours. and then the day starts again.