she had become convinced that i was the reason she was working in a different department than what she was orignially hired on for.

this pissed me off immensely. i have done nothing but what i thought would have worked out best for her. if people are telling us two different things, that's not my god damn fault, they told me that it was the only way she'd be able to get five days a week.

she wanted five days a week.

i fucking got her five days a week.

i fucking got her the job, for that matter.

but she resents me.

she has to know, somewhere in her messed up world, that i've never done anything intentionally to harm her or put her in a position worse off than she was before.

i'm an ass, but dammit i'm not that huge an ass.

but she resents me.

so fuck her.

she stood there, her back to me, as i was trying to talk to her, and i called her a bitch.

the first time i think ive done that.

i've gone through her telling me she doesn't care but then crying and saying she's always cared. i've gone through her telling me she can't be with me because i can't have kids.

but last night was the first time i remember calling her a bitch.

and she stood there.

later i was talking to emily.

she told me that she's always told me that i'm too good for kim.

she told me this and that, listened to me get frustrated, put up with more than she should have.

and the thing that got me, the thing that still gets me, is that, when she was letting me go to fulfill some obligations, she said "don't be angry. i don't resent you."