i had just left office depot upon buying some boxes to send stuff to emily in. i got in my car, tried starting it, it wouldn't start.

i sat there a minute, tried starting again, wouldn't start.

so i sat there a few more minutes, talking to my car, trying to think of who i could call to come pick me up.

tried one last time. the car started.

so i left and drove back to my apartment. got out and the car was smelling funny, so i popped the hood and the engine was smoking.

i ended up getting it towed. the next day i was told my air conditioning had locked up and i could either replace it for 1200 or bypass it for 100. so the sucker was bypassed and now i don't have any air conditioning.

i've got a few months of that being okay. but then the summer will hit and i'll want to go to the other city to see emily, and that's an hour drive one way, in the heat, that i'm just not looking forward to.

so i'm thinking about buying a new car.

and i'm going to wait a few months, build up some money, get emily back so she can go with me to look at cars.

i go places, looking at furniture and what not, and want emily there to help me pick out something. which is ridiculous, i know, i should be able to handle picking out a bookcase on my own.

emily thinks she was mean to me last night, on the phone. she wasn't, and if she was, i deserved it for being the way i am. we talked about it, later, and she said she'd just stop asking me about what it was that was bothering me at the time, and i told her no, don't do that.

and she said "what, you want me to bother you?"

and i said "i don't want you to give up on me."

she said "i'm not going to. i'm not close to doing that."

and i want to read so much into that, which i know i shouldn't because it just gets me to thinking all these things and hoping all these things, so i'm just going to try to take it as it is, as her just being an incredible friend to me, better than i have any right to deserve.