the only thing was, there was no counter where i had planned on sitting.

so i tipped over backwards. rapidly.

and my head met tiled floor from roughly a three foot drop.

i'm fairly sure i knocked myself senseless.

i opened my eyes and whenever i hurt myself in front of people the first thing that always comes to mind is "must sit up so they don't worry."

so i tried sitting up. and my arm was across my face in this really odd position and when i tried using my hand to push me up i couldn't feel my arm, much less control it. it just kind of flopped there.

that's when i started hearing people asking me if i was okay. and when they started asking my thoughts were along the lines of "okay, they must see that my arm is broken, my bone must be popped out of my skin because it's in such a weird position in front of my face. so now i have to act all macho. and go cry in my car."

i concentrated really... concentratedly... and got control of my arm and pushed myself up into a sitting position.

finally convinced everyone i was okay and sat there wallowing in my diminshed pride and finally got up and took some medicine because damn if my head didn't hurt worse than it's ever hurt before.

and i've hit my head plenty of times.

i worked for about 7 more hours after that, talked to emily twice. she's decided something but would not tell me, and i think it was because her family was around.

i'm going to see her tomorrow, so i'll ask tomorrow.

and maybe i can play up the whole i almost died by head diving into the floor thing.

because:

a) she already knows i'm incredibly clumsy and this could be used as endearing.

b) im in pain and maybe she'll want to take care of me.

and

c) maybe she still just really likes me and wants to make me feel better just for the hell of it.

i then snuck out of work 8 minutes early (ten, depending on who you ask) and packed some clothes and drove back here.

i've got the week off so i can spend as much time as possible with emily, with or without the whole dating thing. because dammit, she is a great friend, a great person, and she makes me laugh.

also she is nice to look at.

i checked my shoulders earlier, because they really hurt from the backwards vault of the counter and i've got bruises.

and don't think i haven't thought about using that as a way to get all shirtless in front of emily either. oh ho ho ho, i might be clumsy, but it doesn't mean i'm not smooth.

because i am, you see. smooth.

im seeing her tomorrow.

it's weird. i'm picking out clothes to wear around her that i know she likes.

i never did that with kim. mainly because kim never said she liked anything i was in, except once.

and i guess mainly because i didn't have any urge to go beyond what was normal with her, if i'm to be honest.

but here i am, dressing nicely, paying attention to my shirts and shoes and belts.

also i'm shaving.

more this last week i think than the last month.

and i saw a shirt on television and i thought... emily would look good in that.

jesus christ yall, i'm smitten, and tomorrow my heart might be broken.

also, when i fell over and thought my arm was broken i thought "this sure as hell better not stop me from seeing emily tonight."