kim broke up with her boyfriend because she likes this other guy. and, within three days, they started "kind of" dating.

kim says he could be competition for being as good as me.

emily's still in arizona.

i still want to be in arizona.

she said she'll support any decision i make, as long as it isn't dangerous to my health. and then, this is what she said, she said "i'll tell you, "crayon. no!""

and it made me laugh.

and emily's on this diet and it bothers me but i know there's nothing i can say.

i've tried. i've told her i was always attracted to her. that i really like her body.

and she has a comment right back for all of it. stuff like i don't understand and stuff like i haven't seen her body recently.

and i get quiet because i can't vocally explain myself.

if she was here, i could.

extra pounds dont matter.

shes still beautiful.

i wont lie and say im not worried about what her body looks like.

there is that part of me that's completely attracted to her body, and just her body. i think everyone has that to anyone theyre attracted to. and if she gained three hundred pounds i dont know what that would do to me.

but it goes the same for her losing fifty or whatever amount of pounds.

i like her body now.

a little extra weight one way or a little less the other isn't going to change that.

a new hair cut, a loss of a body part. that's not going to change anything.

and the gut feeling i have is, if she did gain three hundred pounds, i would still be attracted to her.

because as much as it is a gut physical attraction to her, there's this better attraction.

the one where, in stores, when she would be telling me a story and would do a gesture that was so great, so funny and so her, that it would move past the skin into this warm place that would flood me and make me want to take her.

and i dont see that changing, in her. i don't see her mind losing those aspects of her that made me like her to begin with.

abruptly ending now.