i wanted to be behind someone, curled up around their body, the top of my feet pressed against their soles.

i wanted to slide my hand down that curve between breast and hip and over the bone and feel hair against my palm.

i wanted her to turn to me, turn against me, move to me, slide her hands under my shirt.

i wanted emily to be there.

i wanted to rush emily and knock her backwards, to kiss her until my breath was gone, and then pull back to see her looking at me, smiling a little, saying okay.

i wanted to wear myself out with her. i wanted to sweat. i wanted my back to ache slightly in a satisfying way. i wanted her fingernails against my back and i wanted her to grab my hair to pull me up because she wanted to kiss me.

i wanted her to claim me.

i wanted to pass four hours just there, with her, absorbed in her, learning her body all over again, touching her.

i wanted her teeth against my neck and her lips pressing into my collar bone, working down my breast bone.

i wanted to make her laugh.

i wanted to hear her say my name.

i wanted to hear her breathe next to my ear.

i wanted to ball up the sheet in my hand.

i wanted to look into her eyes.

i dont now why this all struck me today. why it hit me any harder, became any more difficult to be without.

maybe its slowly sinking in i might never get to have that again. to have everything that there was with her, emotionally and physically.

maybe it's just been too long.

maybe i just want her.