a dream where i was left wandering around in a snow storm with no shoes on and a gun in my hand.

i wasn't going to kill myself, but the option was there.

off, a little ways behind me, i heard kim laughing as she told this other girl how this guy just completely blew me out of the water.

i kept taking the safeties off the gun and cocking it and aiming at nothing and uncocking it and walking.

i came across this lady who was supposed to be emily's mom. she was sitting on the ground and, down the street, an orchestra was playing.

emily's mom was laying out pages of something, either pictures or words i cant remember, and once she saw me she started talking. she said that the only reason she allowed her to go was maybe so she wouldn't get over this foolishness about being with me.

i woke up shortly thereafter, and here i am.

my body feels strained.