so far she has claimed my arms, my back, my legs.

today she claimed my hip bones.

today she ran her hands over my hips and said, "this is mine."

"what is?" "all of this. i want all of it."

today she claimed all of me.

today i told her i loved her.

she didn't want me to.

she doesn't want me to say it because she's scared. because it will make leaving even harder.

she told me that she thinks we shouldn't say it. that if we do, it shouldn't be a lot. maybe twice a day.

i am scared. i'm insecure.

part of the reason kim says she broke up with me was because she wanted to have kids.

i can't have kids. not easily, at least.

i asked emily, last night, if she would leave me because she wanted to have kids.

she told me no.

she told me that she thought i would be a great parent. that she thought she could be happy watching me be a parent.

i apologized to her. told her that im sorry that i let what's happened to me in the past influence me now. that i dont know if im giving her as much attention as she should have.

i told her that she could do better.

and the girl, emily, god bless her, she punched me.

she hit me and got angry and said that i was to never say something like that.

she was happy with me, i treat her really well, she likes being with me, i'm a good person.

ill see her in less than an hour.

she makes me smile.