and i grinned my cocky grin and said, "you're right."

before that, we were talking about a situation that led into emily saying, "yeah, anyone after you would pretty much be a step down."

just to humor me, you know.

and after all that, i said, "shut up. i'm joking. im not cocky. am i?"

and she said, "you're not cocky. and it's frustrating, because i believe some of the stuff you say when you're 'cocky' and i know you don't."

and in the background is kim. kim, who is messing up things left and right.

kim, who i still care deeply for.

and kim will frustrate the hell out of me, leaving me stomping around work, and emily will find me.

knowing it's something kim did.

and emily, she'll just look at me, ask if im okay. never break eye contact.

and then she's got the nerve to say, to me, "you deserve better treatment from me."

and i stop the car in the middle of the street and tell her no. she's wrong, completely wrong.

she stops me in the middle of a store just to put her head on my shoulder and rest.

she is sick. she thinks with strep. and im frustrated i can't be there to get her to rest, to sleep, to make sure she's okay.

perhaps tomorrow, i can get her to come here and rest in bed while i keep her happy.

always perhaps.