kim and i talked today.

she's been thinking about dating this guy who i don't think is good enough for her.

she said i won't ever think anyone's good enough for her.

i said she's right.

i told her im not going to get involved in any of this because i've got too much baggage tied up in it.

and she kind of understands.

i told her that part of the reason she broke up with me was so she could date other people.

"i needed a break. i needed a break from you, from my mother, from my school."

"and i was the one to go."

"well, yeah. i needed a break."

i told her that, in the back of my head, i'll always think that if she left me to date someone else, they sure as hell better be better than me, or else i'm going to think "she left me for that?"

and she said "i'll probably date someone and think 'i left crayon for this?'"

and then emily came in.

and god dammit, i really like emily.

she thinks my back is perfect. she doesn't think im extremely weird, even though i get urges to turn my life into a musical.

i was doing something tonight and i looked up and emily was looking at me. she started laughing and said "that was a great face!"

and i said "what face? describe it?"

"that... it's a mix of a little kid being embarrassed and being caught doing something."

i have decided that i shouldn't deal with kim and her whole dating thing. it makes me too angry, too hostile, too, hell, too afraid of my future.

i had such a great night with emily. i made her laugh and smile and she made me laugh and smile and and and. and yeah.

i luck out, i tell you.

she's so great.

and she puts up with me.

ah me.

and i get to see her soon again.