i'm thinking if i dont get a call tomorrow by noon, im going to try calling her.

it was a weird day, today.

i saw pictures of my grandfather right before he died. he was thin and bald and not himself.

not at all.

then i started reliving parts of my childhood in my head. remembering how my mom wasn't a figure in my life for a long time.

there are periods where i dont remember my mom at all.

i havent been to my grandfather's grave since his funeral.

i haven't been to my sister's grave in a really long time.

i was walking around work today and a new girl stopped me and said "wow, you're short!" and i just kind of laughed and said "well, thank you."

"no, no, i mean i've never noticed it before. you're really short. that's cute!"

and i just cracked up.

bethany heard this said "you carry yourself like a bigger person, and then sometimes people realize hey, you're not so big."

i've gotten that before.

where people finally take a look at me and realize i'm a damn small person.

i should be in bed, sleeping. but, instead, i think im going to head out, again.

drive a little more.

think about some stuff that's been on my mind.

sometimes there are things im afraid of saying, even here, even though this place is supposed to be for me.

saying them, anywhere, where anyone else can see, makes it real.

and now im just rambling.