i started thinking about last night, the argument with kim, about how im finally starting to stand up a little.

thought to myself it's about time i grow something more than a heart.

get a little bit of guts tossed in there.

some backbone, too.

maybe a mind.

one day, ah one day i'll be a real person. complete.

and then i went to work.

and then i got upset with the way things were. and instead of taking it quietly, i turned in my two weeks notice.

employees soon tried to talk me out of it. a customer tried talking me out of it.

but i can't keep working like this. i can't keep knowing the other assistant manager is getting by with a shitty job and lying to the boss.

and the boss won't ever care about it because she loves him.

so be it. i say. so be it. once i leave, the employees moral will probably go down hill. a few of them have told me as much.

im going to miss them like hell. im going to miss seeing them, often, and doing things with them.

im going to miss the job.

but for what i get paid and for what i do for my job, i could be at a much happier place.

and im really liking emily. she's got such an amazing personality.

but i dont think anything will ever happen. as much as i would like it to.

we'll see. the next week will be interesting.

maybe my body will come along. maybe i'll grow some tough skin. maybe my back bone will stiffen.

and as much as i joke about it, i really dont want my heart to harden any.

i dont want to lose my love and faith in people.

what good is the world then?

there will always be people like emily who come along at the perfect moments to make you laugh with your eyes.

long as they're out there, there's good use in having a soft heart.

but maybe it works best in conjunction with the other body parts.

we'll see.

maybe god'll send me a nice prophetic dream tonight.