the words always hurt when he thought about them.

but still he stayed with her knowing that there was no one else out there who had no parent no sibling no high school friend who promised to write during college and did and someone has to prove to her at least once that she was worth it.

even if he wasnt.

she found him in the chair in the kitchen pulled closest to the window watching lightning come up and down and the thunder shake the salt and pepper shakers collected by a grandmother and passed down.

her hand was so small in his so tiny and frail and he could feel the bones as she led him up the stairs and into their bedroom wondering why this woman this little woman who couldnt open her own pickle jars had such control over him and didnt know it or knowing didnt seem to care.

they had sex together one last time joined at the hips and he remembered everything about her memorized that slope of her hip and that mole on her inner thigh how her hair felt against his palm her smile her wetness her heart pounding against his ear when she collapsed onto him.

she fell asleep on her left side being spooned by him feeling his arm wrap and lay against her stomach as his knees tucked into hers his feet meeting the soles of hers.

later she thought about why he left knowing he never really did leave all she had to do was call him and say please say forgive me say it was worth it all of it it was worth it the pain the tears the way i hurt you and the way you hurt me it was worth it just to wake up in the middle of the night and find you in the kitchen eyes closed face tensed head soaked from sweat.