because, honestly, i don't think too highly of myself.

but, damn if it hasnt come to a point wher i'm about to sit kim down and say:

listen. if you don't put some effort forth into being friends with me, some extra effort, then you're going to lose me. and, listen. if you lose me, if you lose this friendship, any chance at us being more than friends, if you lose me, you're losing something pretty damn good.

and, and. and i know she doesn't want to lie to her mom. i know she doesn't want to say she's going out with some people from work and it actually be just me.

but i dont want to have to wait a year or three or whatever until i can just do something with her.

i don't want to be in trouble with her because i called her house.

yes, honestly, i would like something more. i would love if she'd say hey, yeah, i'm still in love with you.

but the more i open my eyes, the more i look, the more i see it probably won't happen.

so i'm settling on being friends. i'm trying to do that. there are parts of me that still want to hold her hand, to touch her cheek, to kiss her, but i'm trying to get fucking past that.

but i want to hold on to that bit that wants to be friends with her.