but it all gets jumbled up.

here:

1) she still is in love with me.

2) i think she's really scared of losing me.

3) she said i undersell myself a lot.

4) we've got a lot of stuff to work through.

5) we both think things will work out. we're not sure what working out means, but things will work out.

i hope.

also, other stuff:

1) someone ELSE wants to move into the apartment. this will bring the unofficial total up to 5 people. there are only two people on the lease. i am one of them.

there should be three people on the lease, we just haven't gotten around to signing that stuff.

2) the person who would like to move in wants to move in until she can find her own apartment.

it took me two days to find an apartment.

i didnt have to spend the night.

3) i'm really uncomfortable about this idea. i'm really uncomfortable with the idea of five separate people having keys to the place where i live.

other stuff:

1) i counted inventory last night and everything came out perfect. that's never happened to me. ever. so i made a copy of the count sheet and i'm going to hang it on my wall.

2) because i am a dork.

3) one of my roommates walked in on me half naked. she apologized and i said, "well, at least i wasn't fully naked, dancing around."

because, you know, i do stuff like that.

a ramble, now:

i told her i felt selfish, often. for trying to keep her with me, knowing she could do much better, and knowing she deserves a hell of a lot more.

she just looked at me. said no, she didnt ever see it that way. doesn't see it that way.

she said that i dont see the good in me.

and i said no, i dont. very rarely. but i still think you deserve the best.

later, i kept poking her, playing around with her, and she started cleaning. she said "don't!" and i said "what?" and she said "you want to touch me." and i said "well someone has a high opinion of themselves." and she laughed.

i woke up this morning thinking about last night. thinking about how it really seemed like she was scared of losing me. as much as i'm scared of losing her.

and one last thing: