a lot of things happened today.

met a man on the path of becoming a transand all the while,exual.

met a girl who was raped by three men.

talked to kim.

bowled. won a game.

got asked to write a play. which i might attempt.

called kat. left a message.

was late because of hunter green towel fuzz.

drank chai tea for the first time in a long time.

and all the while, in the back of mind, playing on a forty foot screen, is a projector shining out this movie of her.

this movie of her body, of that space between her ribs and hips, of her hair, of her eyes that lighten as they spread from the pupil.

of her laugh. of her face as she laughs.

of kissing her.

and her kissing me back.

things are getting easier, i say. i can breathe without hurting. and she asks if i understand now, and i say i wont ever get over it, but yes.

and this whole world is moving around me.

so many beautiful people out there. so many words to read and speak and write.

there are places ive never been, things i've never seen.

i can't imagine the northern lights.

and out of all this world of wonder, out of everything any child would run toward, all the shiny and dull and dented and perfect things, out of all the things that hurt and confuse and harm and pollute, out of all the things to think about, it seems to always come back to love.

to loving and being loved and the politics behind it and how you're supposed to do and be and feel and what is so god damn right you feel it in that pencil lead driven into your leg years ago... something that's not even a part of you feels it.

but that's not what happened today.

this is:

he hurts.

she's been hurting.

and she's playing him who's in love with her.

the world moves on, even if you want it to stand still.