we talked.

and it wasnt about me or us or we or anything.

and she cried a little bit and then we moved forward.

later, i said this:

"hey, know what i think?"

to which she replied:

"what?"

"i think you still love me."

"why do you say that?"

"because you keep calling me."

and she laughed. and it wasnt a oh you foolish crayon you kind of laugh. it was a oh you foolish crayon you're kind of right kind of laugh.

she wants two things at once, i think. and she's amazing. amazing at being able to ignore that side of her that wants to be with me.

on a different note:

i'm being screwed over at work, and i'm really starting to realize it, and my boss still doesn't think i know.

fun times, fun times.

the new girl at work keeps prodding me to apply for other positions, elsewhere, because they would pay more, give benefits, and be easier on my car.

however, i wouldnt work with the people i currently work with, which would suck.

i'd miss them too much.

i've recently had a completely radical change of thought about what i want to do for a living. it hit me, one night, as i was ready to go to sleep. and it made complete sense.

the only other time anything's happened like that was with kim.

and so i'm wary.

feel like i should follow it, at least as far as the road takes me, but i dont want to give up everything i've worked toward right now.

but i guess when you get a calling you get a calling, no matter of what kind, eh?

also, i find it completely odd that i know someone who could, in passing, say "that time i was in siberia." and have a story to follow with it. siberia, venice, sydney soon, england. she's been around the world. had to go through a skylight to help cubans who had gone to the bar and got drunk instead of going to the ballet.

okay. my head hurts. im sleeping.