mentioned her here or there before.

i can't fucking figure her out.

there are times, like tonight, where she's really incredibly cool.

there are moments where i just want to be all "look. you can't ever leave my life now. you've got an incredible sense of humor."

but then there are those other times, where she can be really mean. not just to me, but to others, too.

and so there are moments where i just to grab her and be all "look. pick one: be great or just don't be."

or, to break it down further:

"don't confuse me."

there has become this... tiny tension between us. a mini war. the weapons being our sharp little prongs of sarcasm and assiness.

however, she will win. my defenses aint what they used to be. to quote the ever quotable jewel: i'm sensitive, and i'd like to stay that way. and then some stuff about my hands.

but i digress.

tonight i went out with my sister, we went to the mall to look around. she talked to one of her friends who i had a class with... years ago, who, it seems, thinks i was pretty cool in the day.

or so my sister said.

(i know this seems like another big digression, but bear with me.)

in the course of mall wanderings, i went into a record store, on the off chance they'd have these cds i've been looking for for a week or so.

they did.

however, they also had these bins of tape. buy three for ten dollars, those kind of things.

and as i was looking through them, i thought, hey. i'll get some for this girl.

and i found two perfect tapes. one from billie holiday, who we've discussed before, and i know she likes. and then i found one from a compliation of singers, billie holiday, three other female jazz vocalists.

went back to her and laid it on the counter. said "here, i got these for you. they weren't expensive and i didnt go out of my way for them, so don't go thinking anything."

then, later, after i saw the tapes had migrated back to my stuff, i went back to her and said "no, really, i did get these for you."

and she looked up from what she was doing and thanked me.