started off pretty good.

went to chuck e cheese's to celebrate the twins birthday.

that was pretty good.

met tiffany's boyfriend. he's been told that if he hurts her, he dies.

long as he understands.

went to work.

that was pretty good.

kim came to work.

for the first couple of hours things were good. i was making her laugh, making her really smile.

i was really smiling.

and then i asked questions i shouldn't have.

and that was kind of bad.

so i waited around two hours to talk to her, to finally tell her why things were different for us, on how the way we were handling the break differently.

she said "i need to go."

"no time to talk?"

"no, not really."

but she sat down, next to me, and said "talk, then."

and, to her credit, she sat and waited on me, while i took my long pauses.

because, in real life, i can't talk. something about hearing my voice and my half stutter and such just makes it hard for me to talk.

i dont like hearing myself, pretty much.

so saying something takes forever.

she sat and listened and we talked about it not being worth it. about how i hear that, in my head, as me not being worth it, as me not being good enough.

and she said no, no. not at all. you're good enough, more than good enough.

and she said stuff i knew, but just needed to hear her say.

won't go into all the details, like how i wound outside with her, in the cold, hugging her tightly.

will say, though, that she told me there's still a good shot for us. just not right now.

ive just got to learn to be patient, i guess.

and less insecure.

and more sure that i'm worth loving.

and ive gotta understand she does love me.

yeah.

so i guess it did end up being a good day.

i wasnt shot, as the old saying goes, so today was a good day.