not only does it feel amazing outside, like the minty fresh coolness of god's mouth, but i spent time with kim.

time off the clock. time with her. alone.

at her dad's house. with her sister and her dad and her dad's dog buddy.

we went into toys r us.

we went into her bedroom.

she smiled and laughed and everything is good.

most everything.

most.

the girl isnt.

but the girl is something i dont know if i can actively change anymore.

i try, and she dismisses me.

brushes me off.

so i emailed her, telling her that i deserve more than that. and if she believed otherwise, then tell me.

she emailed me back.

telling me she really didnt want to hurt me anymore. that all she did now was hurt me. that i deserve a lot, a lot more than being dismissed.

i emailed her back. told her she wasnt always hurting me.

and we've been silent since.