"i am sorry i am not here for you."

we talked. she told me things. she wanted to tell me things.

she is sad.

she also told me something that i guess shes been with holding for a few weeks now.

she got drunk one night.

maybe this isnt a big thing to you. maybe.

but this, this from the girl i made the silent promise to to never drink. never take much as a sip. i made the vocal promise never to become a drunk.

my sister, who has seen me at my worst and not so bad, believes i was a born drunk.

and i can see how she says that. i have very little doubt, in me, that if i had not made that promise to the girl, i would be drunk most weekends now. and probably more than that.

but i dont even drink.

hell, listen to this:

prom night, when we went out to dinner before hand. i ordered beer cheese soup. and i took maybe two bites of it. then i realized some things. and i stopped.

because it had beer in it. it had beer as its main ingredient.

i dont drink. ive never had a sip of beer, wine, or champagne.

because, and listen, because of her.

later i asked her why she waited so long to tell me. she said she was ashamed. that it also brought back bad bad memories. and i let it go at that.

its something that will be brought up again. whens ready. because i need to know why. why she reached this point that she did something i, and i thought she, always felt she would never reach.

still.

and still.

still i am not going to drink.