especially because it is my good eye.

but also because then they would have to do something to my eye.

and i have this really big thing about having holes in my head. it is a no. just a flat no.

not even for life saving purposes. no drill to the head.

i would get it tattoo-ed on my forehead if i ever thought there was a serious need to have it tattoo-ed to my forehead.

"no drill to the head!" it would say.

but i digress.

i dont know how you work with eye cancer.

i dont know what i would do if i had to seriously lose my eye.

NOT TO SAY I AM. not to say this is anything serious. because all i probably need is a good flushing of the eye, or a stern lecture on the proper techniques of eye care:

front to back.

uhm. a little bathroom humor for the ladies there.

but say it is something serious. just because i go morbid with my imagination sometimes and like to play out scenarios.

i go to the doctor. he tells me the eye will have to undergo surgery or that i will be blind.

either way, surgery or blindness, the result is the uselessness of my right eye.

i have a short amount of good time left there.

which is ok, because i still have one eye. granted it is my weak, stigmatic, small eye.

but no!

it is the start of complete blindness, my right eye only took the hit sooner!

so what do i do?

i work. i work more and more. i save up enough money.

then i go to boston. i spend time there, with her.

then i bring her home. i have her stay with me. for as long as i can.

i let her go back to boston. if she wants to go back.

when the time nears, and i think i am nearing complete blindness, i fly back to boston.

so as for the last thing to see would be her.

her, outside. laying on the grass, looking at the clouds rolling over.

then darkness.

i would quit work. i would stop everything, except my friendships.

even a few of those would suffer, though, probably.

i would learn to live again.

but i would have my memories.

and that would be ok.