i got out of the car and went to slam the door but somehow my arm was in this weird angle thing so I SLAMMED THE DOOR ON MY ARM.

and now i have this bruise right above my elbow.

it would have been bad had i broken my arm. then i would have had to drive myself to a hospital.

except i probably wouldn't have gone to the hospital. i would have gone back to work, for whatever reason. probably to work, depending on how bad it was broken. at the least, i would have shown them and had them tell me to go to the hospital.

however, my arm isn't broken, so it's not worth thinking about, eh.

work was good. i enjoy the people i work with.

when i was a young man i was led to believe there were organizations to kill my snakes for me. ie the church. ie the government. ie school. but when i got a little older i learned i have to kill em myself.

i cant find my watch. i dont know if ive mentioned this or not, but as of... the 24th, thursday i spose that was, i havent had it.

c is for cookie, thats good enough for me. c is for cookie, thats good enough for me. c is for cookie, that's good enough for me.

i thought about something, today at work.

there was this lady there. younger than me, an eye catcher. a guy i worked with assisted her, because of this reason.

i sort of sat back and watched, amused. because, see, i knew i could have made quick friends with her, maybe even have gotten her number. hell, she would have gotten mine.

later,i was driving. and i was thinking about that lady and about kat, and how i'm oddly cocky, except for kat.

i say its my personalty thatll win over a girl quicker than my looks will. but what it comes down to is, more or less, with kat im afraid my personalty isnt enough.

not to say she goes by look, because she doesnt.

ive seen the people shes dated.

and, hell, by that alone i should feel good, because i know ive got a lot to offer to someone.

right?

right.

yeah.

but still, with her, with her. with her i have no idea if im offering it.

god dammit i hate that so much of my mind and heart and time are devoted to her right now.

hell, shes been in just about every dream ive had for the past two weeks.

im getting tired of it. i want the physical, real her near me, so i can talk to her and fucking understand whats going on and how i should feel and how much i should restrain what i feel.

crazy women.