it is because she has super lungs.

so... so... air filled.

how can you not love that in a girl?

im gnashing my teeth right now because i am a big scary monster.

gnash gnash grr.

i had a frustrating last few hours at work. frustrating because my coworkers were being ASSES.

arguing over if i would actually do her job or if i would do his job, instead of them doing their own damn jobs or letting me do both damn jobs so i could leave on time.

as it was they left on time and i left an hour later.

but then my sister made me laugh and things were good and then i talked to the girl and things were good and i talked to jerry who will tell me tomorrow how to talk to kat so that is good and tomorrow i will see him and andy and barbara.

in theory.

which is good.

i have marks on my feet, and if they were a bit higher you would think i had stigmata.

quick change of subjects:

once she told us that she never slept naked. that she wanted to, but that things were never quite right for her to feel comfortable enough to sleep naked.

ive slept naked. i sometimes sleep naked still. depending.

please, dont dwell on that picture of me too long, for you might go blind. then you couldnt read me anymore and that would be bad.

i think, sometimes, of that statement of hers. of how shes never slept naked, but she wants to.

and i think maybe, maybe if im really damn lucky and the world blinks for a moment, i can be there when she does.

i imagine one cotton sheet over us.

and her skin, smooth. her stomach, which she says is pudgy but i just wish i could show her that it is just right.

that she is just right. her arms, her legs, her forehead, that second toe which is longer than the big toe, her scars.

and to be so close to something that is so right, to feel her heat next to me mixed with the cool air flowing through the sheet, and to be sharing her first time like that, even right now, right now just thinking of her letting me in that much, of us progressing that far, makes a knot twist up inside of me.

makes me think that the wait is worth it, that showing her things like that, showing her what it is like to lay in the middle of outfield late at night watching the stars, that stopping in a store to buy kiwi before i see her, that making her smile a smile just for me, just because we have a wealth of memories and feelings and thoughts stored between us, that all of it is worth the waiting, worth the time right now im not with her.

and i realize, right now, that i dont really know who she is.