i said "i started to think about it, and so then i talked to tonya about it because tonya and i talk."

and i left it at that. the room was quiet for a moment, thinking i would finish that with "talk about things like this" or some such.

but i didnt.

instead i started talking about carrying a small child around in a double bagging of plastic bags.

later on tonight i got into a prom dress.

you heard me. a prom dress.

why?

because a group i am involved with was holding a banquet. the dress was ranging from really casual to maybe someone in a tux. so i thought, hell.

and, yeah, i like attention.

and oh boy did i get attention. oh ho ho.

heh.

i was in a pick up truck with three other friends. jennifer and i sat in the back, she picked up the dress to slide her feet under it so she wouldn't be stepping on it.

i got really still and looked at her.

she said something, i said "all i know is all of a sudden i felt your hands under my dress."

she cracked up.

fuck, alright, the friend's girlfriend is talking about suicide.

people.

suicide is just wrong. there's no way to qualify it outside of you have a terminal disease.

any other reason is wrong and selfish and i'm sorry for saying as much, but fuck, it's true.

crazy girl might be back in my life. STOP. IT.