i'm almost eye level with my box of strawberry nutri-grain bars.

i just wrote an email that sort of explains what i'm feeling by throwing up a lot of lines and asking her to read between them.

it is nice out.

last night while driving i wanted it to rain. really wanted it to rain. but it did not.

last night, after i broke from remembering things, mainly how she put her hand to my back and asked me if i knew how special i was to my grandpa, how proud he was of me, i went outside.

i was looking for the cat.

he wasnt there, but a flash was.

a flash that came and went quickly, only slow enough to have my eye catch it.

i went around front, to see if the cat was there.

he was. as were the flashes.

it was lightning, to the southwest of where i was standing.

thunder rolled in slowly, and the cat bolted inside.

i stood on the porch for a little bit.

smelled the front move in.

lightning came closer.

no rain.

lightning came closer.

almost overhead, but still more to the southwest and west.

i left the porch.

stood beneath the biggest tree probably in the neighborhood i grew up in, if not the oldest.

lightning almost overhead.

the rain started falling.

first it didnt hit me because i was underneath leaves.

little fat drops hitting all the leaves but staying there. sharp notes.

then they came through and hit me.

cold cold rain.

rain that raised goosebumps.

i walked, barefoot, down the sidewalk, listening to the thunder, seeing the lightning.

the rain slacked off.

i went around to the gate to see if the honeysuckle plant smelled yet.

there was a smell in the air, one of fresh turned ground, one of fresh rooted plants, one of new unfallen cold rain just hanging in the ground.

but not of honeysuckle.

so i walked back around the house.

it began raining again.

the lightning was overhead now.

i stood on the porch, looking out, thinking how special that moment was.

how everyone else was asleep and i was the only one who watched the storm come in. who felt it come in. who heard it come in.

i went inside, shut the door, double locked it to the sounds of heavy thunder.

went downstairs to my old bedroom.

pulled the blinds up.

petted my mom's dog.