begin it:

three nights ago i knew, i mean i finally knew, that you were gone. i never believed you would leave, even though i always wanted you gone. but you've left now, and now i know.

end it:

you loved me bitterly. you were one of the few who i knew hated me, honestly hated me. that's how i knew to trust you.

james has seen fire and seen rain, sunny days he thought would never end, lonely times when he could not find a friend, but he always thought he'd see you, baby, one more time again.

and no one puts baby in the corner.

strained the back today. hurts a little right now, but i will suck it up and continue typing, because i am trying to be stoic.

my great grandfather was old, past his sixties, and was working on his farm. moving hay and what all. moved a hay bale, a bee was surprised, stung him.

my great grandfather was allergic to bees. he died.

when i was little i got stung by a bee. had a mild reaction to it, but my dad, grandson to my great grandfather, worried.

took me to the doctors, doctor told him i would be ok.

he still tells me to watch out for bees and such, because you never know.

i dont watch out, though. i walk through bees, through wasps, through hornets.

bees i dont fear because they're the ones who are losing a life, and they, somewhere inside them, know that. it makes them slow to attack.

wasps and hornets i figure if i dont bother them, they wont bother me.

i did bought a wasp, once. woo, did i learn my lesson.

woo.

stoicism only gets you so far in this crazy life of ours.