because she cant be as giving as me.

i told her she wasnt a horrid person, i told her i didnt want her to say that.

she told me to stop it.

that she was going out of her mind. and going to bed.

so here i am.

just once i wish she saw herself the way i see her.

just once i'd like for her to understand that i would never want her to be as "giving" as i am.

what i am isnt giving.

what i am is rooted in guilt. i would never want her to do anything that was rooted in guilt.

quick change:

i gave myself a huge paper cut at work. across the ring finger of my left hand.

i now have a bandaid on it, and it is now screwing up my typing.

but you cant tell because i am THAST GOOD!

ha, see, that was a joke. "thast" and you cant tell and see?

yeah, i apologize for that.

at 415 pm today i found myself being asked to go to a college in a town an hours drive away to participate in a reading.

i had nothing to read. i had no time to get anything to read.

i said ok.

it ended up i did have something in my wallet, which amused the other people on the... uh... "panel" i was reading with.

so, boom, there went my night. from 430 to just about midnight.

i got back here midnight, that is, and took my shower, and came here.

i did have plans, too.

a little thrifting, a little talking.

but if it waited this long, it can wait another day, right?

i dont want to anything tomorrow. but i have to. so i will. because i cant afford not to.

thats the way life goes, huh.

oh, heard a great song at dinner tonight.

damn, i wish i was your lover.

in my senior year in high school, in creative writing class, i wrote an ode to a friend of mine. in the ode i used famous song lyrics, and nothing but famous song lyrics.

that was one of em.

i wont deny that there was a little bit of truth to the ode.

heh.

if i get sent to hell for any of the deadly sins, itll be lust.

devoted, bethroved, loner. those have been words to describe me lately.

odd eh.

never enough time in the day to do and say what needs saying and doing.

i should sleep.