why?

why, i will tell you why, my dear dear friend. because MORE and MORE she leaves me confused and feeling like i fucked up.

AND because ive got other things to think about. ie my four week (eh. month, i guess) long "cold" and how im not eating as much as i should be and how i am big flopping failure. FAILURE.

first the girl tells me that she thinks im grand.

why? because i tell her its alright to become distracted. blahblahblah oh crayon you are just so giving and self effacing.

actually i dont know why she told me that. she just did.

and then she tells me that a friend of hers, hereto referred to as, uh, friend of hers doesnt "have the balls to talk to you."

"ah. why?"

"i dont know, she just said that."

so i infer that friend of hers believes i am a comedic genius with a heart of gold and intelligence to boot.

but we all know thats not true, so im now left wondering what the girl has been telling her about me.

ive met her before and such and lalala i didnt woo her or anything. i believe i know she thinks im funny, yeah. but that kid made me laugh as well, so i dont know why she doesnt believe we're on even ground.

what, oh WHAT has the girl been telling her?

so i told the girl that i would have to make it a point to talk to the girl's friend. and she said yes.

but that was just kind of odd.

annnnndddddd then i am told that the girl has a crush on this guy and so forth and so on and she says "i thought you could at least see that" and other such stuff that makes me think yeah, thats how i see you.

so there i am trying to find the words to tell her that its alright for her to have this crush on this guy and trying to tell her that hes insanely lucky and all this stuff but all i can say is "yeah." to everyfuckingthing she says.

yeah yeah yeah. untouchable. always.

so then it went like this, with her starting... uh, i cant remember how she started, but i followed with:

"yeah."

"no."

"alright."

"no."

"you've left me with nothing to say."

"then i guess i should go."

"no kid."

i really dont like when she does that. just ups and leaves.

"i dunno anymore."

"about what?"

"everything crayon."

"i wish i could give you something to be sure in."

"what do you mean?"

i mean i wish you still believed in me.

"you're dunnoing everything."

"i'm going. merry christmas. have fun with the family."

and she didnt leave me time to tell her bye. just left.

just LEFT. and that stings.

and women are confusing.

some dont have the balls to talk to me and some just cant talk to me and some think im a super hero and some some some some.

some just make me smile.

i wish she would talk things all the way out with me, instead of getting up and leaving.

blah. maybe i should just go celibate and let it all be.