told the girl yesterday "i know. and i'm going to start taking better care of myself."

and she said "nah, you won't."

and i said "you're probably right."

i think i have a beautiful arm, thank you very much.

its toned and lightly tanned with blonde hairs softly catching the light and if you were here you would want to touch it because it is a work of art.

heh. not really.

i almost busted down my sister's door yesterday.

i was running at it and she was standing there and i knew she was going to slam the door before i got there, so i figured i'd show her what for and she slammed the door and i just twisted a little and leaped.

the door shook and almost broke.

told the girl about it and she said "i just can't picture you busting a door down like that."

"hey, i know how to throw my weight around."

"what weight?"

so. yes. i am a tiny tiny crayon, but it bothers me that people take that to mean its all fun and games when crayon tries throwing weight around.

hell, got into a mock fight with elijah the other day. he plays college football, he's this huge chunk of a fellow. and im just tiny. so he stuck his hand out, put it on my forehead, held me back while i was taking swings and shouted "little arms little arms!"

heh. he's a good guy.

i am reckless with my body. i run and just throw myself at things willy nilly.

more than once have i walked away rubbing some body part because i landed the wrong way.

but i do it all for the laughter.

now to get serious:

i made the girl upset last night. this fucking worried the hell out of me, so i wrote her an email.

to which she dutifully responded.

"i don't put up with you, its never a matter of putting up with. i want to talk to you and listen to you and everything you do."

and

"its like when i make something worse just by asking one thing or what have you."

and

"i do have things i want to say and things i want to ask. but you don't make me feel welcomed to ask things just yet when it took you so long to tell me something, when it took you so long just to get something out."

and i tell her, in return, that if i tell her something, im full on ready to take the reactions. the questions, the comments, i'm ready. i dont tell something if im not ready.

and yeah, i may look like i'm not, what with the getting quiet and introspective, but its there. and im ready.

and i want her to talk, i want to get her feelings and her questions and i want her to understand where im coming from and i dont know how to do that by just talking.

blah blah blah fill this in with funny touching witty comments about everything.

sometimes i wish i spoke with a russian accent. i feel that would solve all my problems.