her reply? what i thought, what i knew deep down it would be.

"ah, crayon. i kind of felt that. i felt you feeling that for a while."

yeah. and she says she can't read me like she used to.

"and i want you to know that it's okay. it's really okay. if things were different i would have bagged you in a minute."

which i knew she would say and prayed to god she wouldnt say.

to know things are almost right, almost... and that they feel it, too, just...

"and we can work through this."

tell her yeah.

"im really flattered. at the same time i don't want to be the one to put you through this."

yeah. tell her "don't be feeling bad or anything kid."

"i dont feel bad. but i don't want to hurt you."

"you're not hurting me."

which is the truth. shes not doing it on purpose.

"what can i do?"

"nothing ma'am, it will go away with time."

"how long has it been there?"

and i know shes trying to point out to me that it's been there long enough, that she's going to have to have a hand in getting it all gone and such.

"i'm not sure."

and im not. i dont know how long. since august? yes. since last winter? i believe so. since the first time i saw her? probably.

"alright."

"for a while, yes."

"do you feel any better now that you've told me?"

"yeah, of course i do, because now i don't feel like im hiding something from you."

"i'm glad you feel better crayon."

"how're you?"

"i'm fine kid."

still. i feel like im going to have to be easy. with her. with our friendship.

and the thing that gets me?

later she says "i feel like im not helping at all."

but i told her.