told her i needed advice.

she asked about what.

told her the name.

she pretty much snapped to attention. and when i say name, i dont mean i told her the girls name, i told her "the name." because thats how she refers to whoever it is ive got a "burning passion for" as she puts it.

and we talked.

told her i feel like i need to tell her.

told her the reasons why.

she said "the girl?"

i said "ah hell. yeah."

"I KNEW! YOU DORK I KNEW ALL ALONG!"

which made me laugh.

but. yeah.

and the friend and the girl have talked about it before, apparently.

the girl would feel bad. for various reasons. the main one being she doesnt, and wouldnt, feel the same about me.

which i knew.

and then the friend said "you're being pretty dishonest with the kid."

"i know. it's killing me."

and we talked some more.

she's asked me what im going to do.

i have no fucking clue.

that rhymed.

but, yeah. i dont know.

she asked me if i was going to avoid the girl.

told her no.

wanted to say never. wanted to say as much as it hurts to keep it all inside, it would hurt even more to avoid her. to purposely avoid her.

"what are you going to do crayon?"

she asks again.

again "i have no fucking clue."

i know what i should do.

and i know what i might do. ive already got a letter written to the girl, one im going to mail to her and such.

maybe, at the end, ill toss on a ps. "oh. yeah. im in love with you. merry christmas!"

the friend just said "i could hint to her for you."

heh. i love this friend.

ah me.

i need to take a shower.