last night ended up being rough on me. but i dont want to talk about it, so there.

i have a really good friend yall. there were times when i wanted to curse her for talking to the girl like she did.

as in the time she asked the girl whether or not i was a hottie and such.

but the friend has helped me to move forward in relation to the girl. and so i thank her.

and the friend has promised to keep an eye on the girl when i cant. and so i thank her, again.

i hate taking medicine. its a sign i need help, you see, and i dont like admitting that.

last night i think i realized how distant the girl and i are. and it killed me. i want to ask her what she's afraid of. but i cant.

im tired. im really tempted to ask the boss if i can get off early, but she's being incredibly kind to me and im not going to take advantage of that so in three minutes i will walk back to work.

five hours left. until i can leave work, leave this place, go to the parents house. let myself be healed.

i am going to take a long hot bath tonight. relax the muscles, feel the heat deep within me. dry myself off with a big furry towel and change into light sleeping clothes. head to the couch in the living room, pull out a blanket, let the cat fall asleep on my stomach, and then fall asleep myself.

i am going to take tonight off, yo. im not going to be crayon or be anyone else. no persona, no name. just an entity, clean and relaxed and at home.

and maybe thatll help.