its been a while since ive held one.

people tell me they cant see me without children. that i will one day have a daughter, have a son. and i think maybe i will. the idea scares the hell out of me, if only because i know of my temper, if only because i know how ive treated others ive loved in my past.

but ive aged. and now, i think. i think of rolling over, late at night, the moonlight coming in, and seeing the woman i love laying next to me with that soft curve to her belly.

and i think that would be a beautiful sight.

and i think of running my hand over her, feeling the kicking. knowing this woman carries two heart beats in her that are so damn precious to me, that far outweigh my own heart beat.

i think of others i love having children one day. my sister. the girl. cousins. friends.

i know, with the sister and with the girl, i will be damn protective of theirs. i will spoil them rotten. take them away for a day, take them to the country, into the outside world, show them how the leaves dance with each other if you watch close enough, show them you can fly with your feet never leaving the ground.

have them never doubt their beauty.

i still have years to my own, adopted or otherwise.

and they all still have years to their own.

and it is late and i am awake and should not be.

so i will go to bed now.