youre quiet tonight. you sure everythings ok.

not a question. not from her. reading me like that damn opened book everyone talks about when i wanted her to read me like i was braille. i wanted to feel her hands.

but no. not a question. she knew the answer, just wanted a reply.

i looked down at my hands. reached with them, took hold of a nearly empty apple juice bottle.

yeah. no. it's just things are shifting in me. you know how i am.

no.

i.

pause. restart.

i need to keep quiet. i need to be able to hear the click that'll say everythings been settled. you know this. its always been like that.

i guess.

i stretched last night. for the first time in months. my balance, as i learned saturday night, is still decent, but not as great as it once was.

see, i figure i need to be more flexible. so, yes.

sometimes its as simple as saying you want me to wait.

i weigh more than people think i do. its cause im all muscle baby. solid as a solid thing encased in an even solider thing.

i am the solidest.

heh. no. not really.

but, yeah, i am a bit thicker and such than people realize.

however, im also shorter than people realize. many times, after the fact, ill be talking on the phone or what have you with someone.

get asked how tall i really am.

i speak.

they: man. you dont seem that short.

or someone will see a picture they have of me and them.

they: look, you dont even come up to my armpit. i didnt realize that.

so my presence is, contradictorly, bigger and smaller than real life.

yeah, i think im going to work extra this afternoon.

i just decided right then.

that's crayon for you. always with those split second decisions.

boom boom boom.

then i become all flexible and lift something really heavy while biting your knees as you think the breeze will blow me away.

lust away.

now i leave.

oh, no, i lied. i decided im not going to work. least not for another bit.

that's crayon, too. flighty.