im slightly cold because i have wet hair. and the heater doesnt work properly. and it's 30 outside.

ive got the lights out. my alarm clock set. headphones on, listening to lyle lovett.

emails sent. stuff taken care of.

north dakota is a beautiful song. you told me you could sleep forever and ill still hold you then.

as i left work today the boss lady looked at me, smiling. it's nice to leave people happy yo.

i feel the tug pull me slightly this way. and i feel bad for following it, because i need to fight it and make my own ending point. yet the more loose i get, the more relaxed i am, the more i flow along, the better things are. things fall into place, i meet damn fine people, i laugh.

i think.

and i feel as if where im going is right.

ah, i dont know. ive been truly blessed in my life. theres been nothing ive done to deserve to lay here as warm as i am with the food in my stomach and the clean smell of crayon circling around me... and we all know the clean smell of crayon is some of the best smelling stuff on the earth. yeah, i know you wanna sniff me... and, yeah, ive done nothing to deserve all this.

and so i cant settle on that. its not about not deserving what i have anymore. its now about earning the right to keep what i have. proving that it was a gift for a reason, a gift not to be wasted.

and dammit, im going to prove ive earned the right to keep what i have.

yes indeed.

bed time for sleepy crayons.