i was twenty minutes late to work today, but my boss wasnt there so i didnt get in huge trouble. and i was honest about it. so nyah.

what do i want to eat?

mashed potatoes would be great.

there's a banner at the top of this page (not this page, but the page i see) and it scrolls writing across it and out of the corner of my eye i just see moving black type and i think "oh damn ive rested my hand on the keyboard again. time calls for backspace usage." and then i look down and nope.

ok, i dont know why i just shared that, but i did share that. so there.

i need to check my wallet, see how much money i have. if ive got any decent amount ill go to johnnys and see what they have.

ohh man, maybe i can find someone who wants to split a pizza and some cheesesticks with me.

the girl told me the other night that, for the first time ever, she couldn't see herself getting married. she was sitting around with some people and they were talking about wedding dresses (i didnt ask why) and she was trying to picture hers... and just couldnt.

and it went from there.

i think she will get married.

i know she will have a kid.

either adopted or not.

ah, a conversation we once had on the swing set at a playground of a ball field i was a baby on. she starts off, by the by:

"i think im going to adopt. and i would want my children to grow up in europe."

"so... are you just going to wait until they're 20 and then adopt some french kid or.."

laugh "nooo, ill be there with them."

and in that moment the idea of her being way over there, in europe, made me fall. not physically, but fell i did.

theres a slight chance of me going to sweden in a year or so. SLIGHT mind you. and the part about it i would hate most is feeling so... distant from her, from my family.

its a chance that, if it jumps up to me, that i need to run with. and i know she would want me to have that and i know they would want me to have that and i know everyone would want me to have that.

but still. it kills me to feel like im just... not a part of their lives.

shes only in boston and i feel that. my family's only an hour a way, and i feel that.