ive found out where to go, who to contact, about stage crewing.

i played multiple games of pool and didnt make a fool of myself.

i danced and made a fool of myself.

im starting to build a good "rep"... apparentally im a lucky kid and the ultimate crayon.

right, i do kick ass. its bout time people noticed.

heh, nah.

but it is nice to walk into a place and have people go "crayon!" like im going to talk to sam the bar tender.

cause everyone knows my name.

ive got to clean up tomorrow. i wont have time, but hell.

i picked up an application today. i have no idea what im thinking. but its just seasonal work.

my grandpa has a relatively new truck that he keeps in amazing shape. but he cant use it. i have no car. this is what im thinking: take the car off my grandparents hands, pay off the car payments to ease that, at least, for my grandma.

but... just between you and me and whoever else i tell... deep inside me a part of me freaks out when im in a car. i keep picturing a car coming and ramming me from a side. its horrible when im sitting in the back, near the window, and a car is pulling up to an intersection we're passing. sometimes i have to close my eyes.

this is just a recent development.

as in since august.

mid august i was riding in the back of a car. there was a mild wreck, no one injured or anything. cars barely hurt. but there i was, on the passenger side in the back against the window and there were those headlights and i was truly fine about it all until people kept mentioning how oddly calm i was about it.

which started me to thinking.

and i have no problem driving or riding or anything, usually, but in the back of my mind theres me sitting with clammy palms and thumping legs and i just feel that theres a wreck coming. a big one.

but see, i used to worry, a little, about getting a disease or illness or whatever. and then i had what i had. and it was fine.

and above it all, i learned from it.

so im waiting for the wreck, which will come eventually, maybe years off, and ill learn from it.

ive got to be up in seven hours.

i dont want to be up in seven hours.

im tired. so tired.

heh. not so tired. just tired.

but my feet have that nice just washed feel to em, so its all good yo.

all good indeed.

hey, my pinkie just popped. ive never had that happen before.

im not one that goes around popping my fingers, you see. i pop my left wrist sometimes, my big toes, my right ankle, and sometimes i do this weird thing with tables and elbows. but thats all. no crazy back popping stuff for me.

and so when something else pops, like a pinkie or a shoulder or what have you, im thrown off and amused.

hell. anything amuses me.

as i type my mind is sliding to the right. im kinda dizzy from sleepiness. but i cant sleep just yet.

ive got to write, you see.

man, im so gonna fall asleep on the job tomorrow.

and the work girl will, hopefully, be there, so maybe she can keep me awake by talking with me. i dont know. hell, maybe if she's there ill tell her to come find me at the end of my lunch break from where ever i go to take a nap.

i should probably wrap this up so i can go finish my writing so i can go to bed.

sweet sweet bed, how my body craves for your embrace.