feels earlier than it should be.

i lost a friend today. i think.

i dont know.

i made her mad.

i sort of understand how i did, but i think...

i refuse to say i dont know.

listen:

she said i was impossible. she left.

she didnt give us a chance to talk, to work it out.

i didnt stop her from going.

we're both at fault.

later i told someone i pissed her off.

first thing said:

"what the hell did you do to her?"

yeah.

thats me, you know. the asshole. the one who goes out of their damn way to piss you off.

fuck it.

i cant be mean, because you really dont expect me to be mean.

but then if you hear tell that someones mad at me, yeah.

its my fault.

fuck it.

listen:

i was called a third wheel tonight.

i am. yes. but if i am, dont use me just because i hold information.

listen:

i was also called great. wonderful. brought up right. not superficial.

told i rocked.

but i might have lost a friend tonight.

and i dont feel as bad as i should.

i walked outside today and it felt great. perfect even.

and i am happy.

part of me is amazingly happy. i can laugh. i can make others laugh.

but i might have lost a friend tonight.