mammoth cave, jacksonville, chapel hill, morgan park.

maxwell cemetary.

when im done, when everythings been said that could be said, when people ask me what was important... those are the places ill always go back to.

there are a lot of words that i can only hear in my head the way i learned to spell them.

take together, for instance. i hear to-get-her.

el-e-ph-ant.

i didnt grow up around any big bodies of water. no ocean, no great lakes, no bays.

there was a lake, sure, but that was about it. the biggest thing about it, though, was the dam.

and when people, who grew up along a coast, realize i didnt get... that... pity creeps into their voice.

"oooh. have you ever even seen the ocean?"

"yes."

yes. a couple of times.

one of my best earliest memories was on the beach with my back to the atlantic ocean.

im here, with my headphones on, and i heard my toe pop. loudly.

i feel a friendship slipping away. shes young. first "boyfriend" after having thought, for years, she was undesirable.

shes changing. changed.

she changes annually, much like any... annual... plant...

and ive weathered a lot of those changes.

but maybe its gone on too long. she's changed. she hasnt grown.

much.

she thinks shes this hard ass open minded understanding person.

and she has been there for me.

but the things she claims to hate, she so falls into easily enough.

hence, im not a good friend.

not to her.

i explain, to her, why the things she sometimes says or does bothers the hell out of me, but i dont know if she really ever gets it.

i dont know. i want to keep her, she's worth keeping, shes worth a lot, but i dont know how much longer i can keep.

keep up with everything.

next order of business:

this was a fast week.

how fast was it?

well, let me just say... it was faster than...

uh.

it was faster than last week.

and, THAT, my dear friends, is fast!

whoo boy.

i want a wooden porch just so i could have a rockin chair that i could sit on and talk bout the weather.

back with that tornado in 98, you know.

i just missed it, you know.

i want to be a profressional clapper.

i want to cook, to dance, to have even sharper comedic timing.

why, even sharper? then, crayon, you would just be walking a razor blade, and thats just silly-stupid.

you dont want your feet cut all up, do you?

oh, yeah, by the by, that's something that makes me shiver. thinking bout my feet getting all sliced up.

yes, i just did some major ass shivering.

and you can tell its late and im just getting stupid.

so, kids, email me, ill be quick to respond, and youll get responses you can laugh at because im just hella foolish.

see, i even said hella.

and MEANT it!

take that, mr. t.

please pity this fool.