but then, then you look up and you see the chest moving and you know its not dead. so then you wonder how you could miss the pulse of something so alive.

and you realize you really miss the pulse. miss the beat, the feel of it against your fingers, the comforting rush.

and your knees weaken, slightly.

and you hope and you pray that someone will come along and say let me show you, say here, place your fingers here.

but no one does.

and your breath catches.

it catches because there, there, right there, you feel the pulse.

there is only a certian crayonadultness i can reach until somehting huge happens, something that tests me and pushes me here and there. either ill pass or i wont.

the best animal show i've ever seen had a... monkey i believe.. had a monkey that walked to a rock and picked it up. there was a snake under the rock. the monkey fainted.

now this had me laughing.

but then, oh buddy, then the monkey comes out of the faint, goes back to the rock, picks the rock up again. snake's still there.

MONKEY FAINTS AGAIN!

my god. had me rolling off my bed laughing.

and microcosmos. beautiful film.

if you havent seen it, and some of yall may not have because it is a documentary and it is about insects and such, but it is an amazing piece of art... i recommend it.